Today has been an “at home” day as my littlest boy Eli was at home with a cough. I did too much yesterday so this was no bad thing I was stuck in today. I had loads of energy yesterday as you have read I went for a run. Still having energy after that a friend asked me to join her for a dog walk. We did the same walk a few months ago – fine. Yesterday, I very quickly realised that I do have an illness which is now affecting everything. I was wobbling on the path, feeling weak and it felt like we were walking 100s of miles! So is today payback? I still don’t think I am at the point of acceptance with it. They say there are 7 stages of grieving and becoming disabled I feel is most definitely coming to terms with the loss of the person I was. Some days I think it is a good thing and surely like a butterfly from its cocoon I will emerge more beautiful than before. But in what way I find it hard to fathom as of yet.
So today, Rob took the 2 eldest boys to football and I stayed at home with Eli. As I still don’t have my driving licence it had to be that way. Whilst they were out I decided to use the opportunity to get as much healthy stuff juiced up and down me as I could. In the fridge I found, half a lemon, some ginger, cucumber, spinach, an apple and some coconut water left over from the other day. Again, it was very green! I also made some tomato soup and put in tinned tomatoes, celery, carrots, garlic and onions. I blended this up too hoping it would give my body a chance to try to diminish the attack on itself if it didn’t have to fight just to digest some food! This got me wondering if that is the reason why some people recommend blitzing everything up. Is it so it is less energy used to digest the already small pieces of food rather than the extra effort it must take to assimilate lumps? This was lovely food, did I notice any difference to MS today? No. By mid afternoon, I was in the fog, exhausted and struggling to hold thoughts together. It seems to take ten times as long just to do a simple task. I just wish this wasn’t happening. Every day is a struggle to stay positive and keep up the alternative stuff. I am still taking MSM, magnesium, vitamin d3 and vitamin b complex. I am also noticing another new thing, which occurs frequently, my arms in particular my left arm is becoming weaker, I often find it stuck out of its own accord and I struggle to open jars etc now. I thank goodness I am not alone in this and that I have got my husband and my 3 boys beside me. I hope this isn’t too negative today. I found out today there is a doctor called Terry Wahl who thinks she has found a cure. I find it interesting to look into this, I hope she has and it is not a relapse for her.
Positive thought to end on is gratefulness again for everything (especially my 3 little monkeys and my view from my window at home).